As the Universe Turns: An Invader Zim soap opera
by Kat23a
Summary: What was I on when I wrote this??? Oh, well, enjoy!


*click.*   
"Wow! Clarence "The Titan" McGee is really pulling it out here! (Pause, pause, CRASH) Ooo, that had to hurt! Uh-oh, looks like the ref called a stop to that last one!"   
  
Ref: I'm sorry, that last hit was an illegal move.   
  
Clarence "The Titan" McGee: ILLEGAL??! I'LL SHOW YOU ILLEGAL!   
  
CLONK! BAMBAMBAM! POINK! SHAWAAAAAANG!   
  
Announcer: And the ref goes down!   
  
  
*click*   
"...And then you simply have to add three cups of booguise while simultaneously stirring in eight and one half milliliters of parsely cloves while lightly fluffing the mixture with almond extract while jumping up and down on one foot and singing the national anthem-"   
  
  
*click*   
"I'll get you, you wascally wabbit!"   
  
BANGBANGBANGBANGTHUMP   
  
"Oowww! That's da wast time you twick ME, wabbit!"   
  
  
*click*   
"...and if you call in the next FIVE MINUTES, you will get this FREE complimentary doodleganger! But that's not ALL! You will also get ANOTHER flimperastormator ABSOLUTELY FREE! This is a NINETY DOLLAR VALUE!"   
  
  
*click*   
"Zim, I just realized that I have...feelings...for you."   
  
"I have...feelings...for you, too, Gaz. But, there's something I want you to know-"   
  
  
*click*   
"IT'S the CHEESIEST! Kraft CHEESE and MAC-"   
  
/////~Waitaminute, did I just hear the names /Zim/ and /Gaz/???~/////   
  
  
*CLICK*   
"We will return to "As the Universe Rotates" after these messages."   
  
////~time passes~////   
  
"And now back to....As the Universe Rotates."   
  
The dark screen slowly lightens, revealing the inside of Zim's house, in Zim's living room. Zim is sitting alone on the couch, and there seems to be no one else in the room. The corners of the screen are blurry, and some soft-yet-dramatic music plays in the background. Crying is heard from another room, and Zim is turned towards it.   
  
Zim: Gaz, I'm sorry, but I couldn't deny my true feelings any longer! I love you, but my true and only love is-   
  
The door opens, and in walks...   
  
Zim: Dib!   
  
Dib comes in slowly, and there are tears in his eyes. Zim rushes over, with tears in /his/ eyes.   
  
Zim: My one true love! I cannot deny it any longer! Marry me!   
  
Dib: Zim, I have to tell you-   
  
The kitchen door flies open, and Gir runs in, sobbing. Gaz comes to the doorway and stops. Gir grabs one of Zim's legs.   
  
Gir: Master! Don't leave me! I need you! I neeeed you!   
  
Zim: Gir, I must do what my heart tells me, and my heart belongs to Dib!   
  
Gir: But I'm pregnant!   
  
Everybody: WHAT?!!   
  
Gaz runs to Gir and holds his hands.   
  
Gaz: I know that you won't understand, but Gir and I love each other, and love cannot be denied!   
  
Dib: Gaz! How could you?!   
  
Zim: Gir! How could you?!   
  
Gir: Master! How could you?!   
  
  
Keef: Dib! How could you?!   
  
Everybody: Keef?!   
  
Dib broke apart from Zim and went to Keef's side, taking his hand.   
  
Dib: I was trying to tell you, Zim! I don't love you! My heart belongs to Keef!   
  
Zim: Nooooo! You belong to me!   
  
Dib: But we can't get married, Zim! I'm your long-lost brother!!   
  
Zim: My long-lost brother?!   
  
Gaz: His long-lost brother?!   
  
Keef: His long-lost brother?!   
  
Dib: Your long-lost brother!   
  
Zim: Brother! *they hug* Yes, go and live with Keef, and take my blessing!   
  
Keef: I don't love any of you! My heart belongs to....RED!   
  
Red comes in. Keef hugs him.   
  
Red: (pushing Keef away) I will not stand for this! I must follow my feelings! I must allow myself to declare my true love! (turning to Gaz) I have long watched you from afar, but now I have finally decided to let my feelings be known! With you by my side, we can rule the whole universe!   
  
Gir: Hey! Hands off my girl!   
  
Gaz: But I love you both! I don't know who to choose! Wait! I know! I choose....   
  
Gir and Red: Who? Who?   
  
Gaz: Zim!   
  
Zim: But I don't love you!   
  
Gaz: I don't care! I will kill myself if you won't marry me!   
  
Gir and Red: We'll kill him if he does marry you!   
  
  
Keef: I'll kill you if you marry Gaz!   
  
Dib: I'll kill you if you kill anybody else!   
  
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: I'LL KILL EVERYBODY!   
  
Everybody: (all turning around) You can't!   
  
Johnny: Why not?!   
  
Everybody: Because we love you! Marry us!   
  
Johnny: I can't.   
  
Everybody: Why not?   
  
Johnny: (turning to the screen) Because I love.....YOU!   
  
Kat23a: WAAAAAAAUUUGH!   
  
She looks around. She is in her bedroom, and faint light is coming through the blinds.   
  
Kat23a: Oh, that is the LAST TIME that I eat chili cheese fries right before I go to sleep!   
  
---~ the END


End file.
